Confessions of a Shop-o-holic? No. Rants of a Sales Associate? Yes!

We've all done it.
But before you read this post, I want you to take a long hard look at yourself and decide what kind of clothing shopper you truly are...

a) Tame and Timely Tammy- Upon entering the store, you kindly reply to the sales associate with a smile as he/she greets you. You pick up clothes you've dropped on the floor and neatly browse through clothing as you wander. After entering a dressing room (with an appropriate amount of items that you can easily try on within a reasonable amount of time) you then take care of business and leave the dressing room looking as clean as it did when you first entered. At the time of departure, you kindly pay for your clothing without throwing fits about "overpriced [fill in the blanks]" and say thank you as you walk out the door and promise to be back soon. This shopper is a rare gem.

b) Normal Nancy- As you enter the store, you give a brisk hello and continue with your shopping experience. You are not overly needy in your requests, but also are not afraid to ask for help. If one side of a shirt falls off the hanger, you slyly sneak it between the other shirts jammed on that rack (as any "normal" shopper would, right?) and carry on. You enter the dressing room where you may or may not choose to hang every last piece of clothing before exiting--It depends on your mood. Upon exiting the store, you're friendly enough. You leave without making a fuss.

C) Crazy Kelly- (This shopper is open to a number of interpretations.) You are the shopper who, when asked how you're doing, replies "dumb, fat, and happy." You are the shopper actively singing to "dynamite" by (literally) "throwing your hands up in the air sometimes" as the chorus chimes through the store. You are the shopper who asks to put 15 items on hold and doesn't understand why this may be a problem. You are the shopper who brings your dog into a clothing department and lets it roam in and out of other's dressing rooms as you freely take your time trying on that large stack of outfits. You are also the shopper who complains about every policy set in place and asks for special discounts, (expecting to get them) just because you're entitled. You're the shopper who takes 38 items (really.) into a dressing room and then proceeds to occupy that room for the next hour. You're the shopper who threatens that according to federal law, the signs above the clothing are "inaccurate" and the store could be sued. You're the shopper who lets your children jump from couch to couch playing "don't touch the ground" while they slobber sucker juice all over the white upholstery. And speaking of suckers, you're the shopper who doesn't do anything about the sucker stick your child stuck to a brand-new shirt. Oh. And you're the shopper who, during Christmastime, tries to eat the year-old cookies that are strategically placed as decoration in the front entry way.

Okay, you got it figured out? Good. Now if you are not shopper "C" then you can continue to read this post without taking any offense. And frankly, if you are shopper C, you probably don't know that you are (or wouldn't dare to admit it!), so reading this post will offend you in no way.

I just had to write about shopper C. "Shopper C" is a personification of anyone and everyone who has ever acted in any sort of manner. He/she comes into our store quite frequently, and to be completely honest, I'm not always opposed. As you can see from above, I've got some PRET-TY good stories thanks to Crazy Kelly. The cookie incident? Woman walks into store personifying Santa Claus while taking a jolly chomp out of said cookie. Only it's not just a cookie. It's a YEAR-OLD Fig Newton! It wasn't even Chocolate Chip! I just have to know...Was it worth it??   

Shopper C came into the store the other day and left us an awesome surprise. It was so thoughtful too. I just had to blog about it! So I was at work, just minding my own business and had to use the restroom. Normal enough so far, right? Well...as I approached the bathroom door, I was delighted to find this

Sitting outside of this

Oh man. I SO wish I would have taken a picture!! It was so cute and thoughtful how C had rolled it up all neat-like and placed it right outside the bathroom. Just sat it on the ground against the door. Sweet, right? I mean a normal person would have thought to find a garbage can, but C is no normal person. Thoughtful. And in the word's of Janet, "bless" :)

No, C is no normal person. But I am here today to thank you, if you are shopper C. Why? Because you've given me one more thing to make my life different than the next "Average Joe." My life is SO exciting thanks to you! I've got loads of stories to exchange with my fellow co-workers and you've given me quite the laugh.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

And for future reference, no, I would not like to check out your butt, regardless of whether or not you're homosexual. Thanks.


Anonymous said...

Ha ha steph, your so funny! I love how positive you always are :)

Sadey said...

this made me almost pee....you made my night! love you

Stina said...

ook just discovered your blog... um not creepy ok? so happy i did! this is golden.

Brittany L. said...

hahaha from one sales associate to another I AGREE!I remember most of those incidences,except the neat little package outside the broom door. I am so glad I was not there. thank you for expressing all of our thoughts on your blog. I could not have said it better!

Callister said...

This post was so excellently written!! I almost peed myself laughing!! And SERIOUSLY? The fig newton story? CLASSIC. Love it.

Coupleena said...

LOL, Amen. What more is there to say? This is skilled writing, and the best part is, I know it's all true!